What Is Post-Adoption Depression?

Oftentimes in adoption, most of the attention is given to the joy and hope of the Adoptive Families. However, the emotional and physical experience of Birth Mothers is equally profound and deeply difficult, especially during the postpartum period.

Whether you are considering adoption and how you may feel after giving birth, or if you have already placed your child and find yourself struggling in ways you didn’t expect, you are not alone. Post-adoption depression is real, it is recognized, and most importantly, it is something you do not have to face by yourself. Keep reading to learn more. 

Can You Get Postpartum Depression After Adoption?

This is a question many Birth Mothers quietly wonder about, and the answer is yes. When a woman carries a pregnancy and gives birth, her body undergoes a dramatic hormonal shift. 

After delivery, estrogen and progesterone levels drop rapidly.[1] This can affect energy levels, sleeping patterns, and emotional regulation[2], which can sometimes result in postpartum depression. It does not discriminate based on the parenting plan a mother has made.

Unfortunately, Birth Mothers are just as susceptible to postpartum depression as any other mother who has given birth. Placing your child with an Adoptive Family does not prevent these postpartum hormonal changes. 

Acknowledging this is not a sign of weakness or regret. It is simply understanding how your body works and giving yourself the compassion you deserve.

What Is Post-Adoption Depression?

Beyond the hormonal aspect, Birth Mothers may also experience what is known as post-adoption depression. This is a form of depression rooted not only in physical changes, but in the intense emotional weight of the adoption experience itself. 

Placing a child for adoption, even when it feels like the right choice, involves real grief. You may grieve the relationship you imagined, the daily moments you will not be present for, or simply the version of life you had once pictured.

Post-adoption depression is not the same as regretting your decision. Many Birth Mothers who feel deep peace about their adoption plan still experience significant emotional pain in the weeks, months, and even years that follow placement. Grief and confidence in your choice can coexist. Both are valid. 

Recognizing the Symptoms

Understanding what postpartum depression and post-adoption depression look like can help you recognize when you may need additional support. Symptoms can sometimes overlap between the two and may include:

Postpartum Depression Symptoms[2]

• Depressed mood or severe mood swings
• Crying too much
• Withdrawing from loved ones
• Loss of appetite, or eating much more than usual
• Inability to sleep, or sleeping too much
• Overwhelming tiredness or loss of energy
• Less interest and pleasure in activities 
• Intense irritability and anger
• Hopelessness
• Feelings of worthlessness, shame, or guilt
• Reduced ability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions
• Restlessness
• Severe anxiety and panic attacks
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

If you are currently experiencing suicidal thoughts or the urge to harm yourself, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 immediately. 

Post-Adoption Depression Symptoms 

• Questioning your decision or judging yourself for it, even if you once felt it was the right thing to do
• Intense grief or a sense of profound loss following placement
• Longing to see, hold, or know how your child is doing
• Difficulty returning to daily routines or responsibilities
• Feeling isolated, misunderstood, or that no one understands
• Intrusive thoughts about your child or the placement
• Sadness around milestones, such as your child’s birthday, holidays, or developmental stages

These symptoms can appear immediately after placement or emerge weeks later. They may be mild or they may be debilitating. In either case, they are worth taking seriously.

Planning Ahead 

One of the best things you can do for yourself is plan for the emotional experience of post-placement life before it arrives. This does not mean expecting the worst. It means honoring the reality that healing takes time and that you deserve support structures in place before you need them.

Here are some ways to prepare:

• Work with a counselor before placement. Beginning therapy during your pregnancy gives you a trusted space to process your feelings in real time—before, during, and after your adoption journey. Reputable Adoption Agencies like Abiding Love Adoptions can connect you with counselors experienced in adoption-related grief.
• Build your village. Identify people in your life who you trust to support you without judgment after placement. Let them know ahead of time that you may need check-ins, company, or simply a listening ear.
• Create a post-placement plan with your Adoption Agency. Talk openly with your adoption team about what the days and weeks following placement may look like. Know your options for contact and updates, and make sure those expectations are clearly established in your Post-Adoption Contact Agreement.
• Speak with your OB or midwife. Let your healthcare provider know that you are placing your baby for adoption. They can monitor you for postpartum depression symptoms and discuss medical support options if needed.
• Give yourself permission to grieve. Grief does not mean regret. Planning to grieve (and accepting that it may be messy, nonlinear, and unexpected) helps you move through it rather than being blindsided by it.

How to Cope 

If you are already experiencing symptoms of post-adoption depression, please know: healing is possible, and help is available. The following strategies can provide meaningful relief:

• Seek professional support. A therapist or counselor who specializes in perinatal mental health or adoption grief can provide tools and perspective that well-meaning friends and family simply cannot. Do not wait until you are at a breaking point. Reach out early.
• Connect with other Birth Mothers. Hearing from women who have walked a similar path can be profoundly healing. Look for Birth Mother support groups, either locally or online, where your experience is understood and validated.
• Be gentle with your body. Your body just went through pregnancy and childbirth. Prioritize rest, nourishing food, and gentle movement when you feel able. Physical recovery and emotional recovery are intertwined.
• Maintain your adoption relationship in a way that feels healthy. If you have an open adoption, the post-placement contact you receive can be a source of comfort. Communicate with your Adoption Attorney/Agency if you need support navigating that relationship.

Abiding Love Adoptions Is With You, Every Step of the Way

At Abiding Love Adoptions, we believe that supporting Birth Mothers does not end at placement. Our commitment to you is ongoing, because your well-being matters long after the adoption paperwork is signed.

Whether you are still in the process of making an adoption plan or realizing you need more support post-placement, Abiding Love Adoptions is here for you. Reach out today for support, compassion, and understanding.

Sources

1. Hendrick V, Altshuler LL, Suri R. Hormonal changes in the postpartum and implications for postpartum depression. Psychosomatics. 1998;39(2):93-101. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0033318298713556
2. Mayo Clinic. (2022, November 24). Postpartum Depression. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617