What Are The Holidays Like When You Place A Child For Adoption?

One of the biggest questions that come up for women making an adoption plan is what to do about the holidays after you place a child for adoption. When you place a child for adoption, everything changes. The things you thought you’d do when you became a mom become very different. With that, many expectant moms who are making an adoption plan eventually start thinking about the holidays.

The obvious thing to think about is the fact that for the rest of your child’s life, they will be spending their holidays with their adoptive family. And that can be a hard pill to swallow. Before the ink is dry on the legal paperwork, trying to make peace with the realization that you and this baby will be separated, especially during the holidays,…hurts.

What Do Birth Mothers Do Around The Holidays?

What a Birth Mother may or may not do to celebrate the holidays varies a lot, depending on what kind of adoption she is in. For those with open adoptions, she may spend time with the family before or after the holiday so she can celebrate with them. There are plenty of Birth Mothers in open adoptions that ask for a visit during a time near a given holiday, like Christmas. This is a special visit to be part of the adoptive family’s traditions, usually.

For Birth Moms with semi-open adoptions, she might expect a Christmas card from her child’s adoptive family. She could also receive a letter and special holiday pictures, like pictures with Santa or in holiday dress. These are very special things to receive from the child’s adoptive family and are usually saved and treasured.

Those who have closed adoptions do something special to honor the bond between her and her child. Sometimes she writes a letter to the child expressing how she feels about her child during that special time and what they might do if they were together. Some Birth Mothers also buy a special ornament for their Christmas tree to hang every year as a symbol of their love.

Christmas Can Be Hard When You Place Your Child For Adoption

One thing that is okay – being not okay with the holidays. Most Birth Mothers feel some sort of emotional impact during the holidays. When you place your child for adoption, there have to be great reasons for doing so that outweigh the feelings of loss and grief. Many Birth Mothers admit that the holidays are hard, no matter how open their adoption is. And that is alright. Honestly brings healing. Sharing those struggles release the pain. There are a few things a Birth Mother can do to help her with the holidays:

• Share your feelings about the holidays with a friend or counselor
• Seek the wisdom and comfort of a Birth Mother community
• Journal her feelings
• Pray about her pain to God, who understands

Sharing feelings, no matter how hard, will always make it better. Finding some way to honor the child you placed for adoption during the holidays will give some purpose to the feelings of placing.

Preparing for feelings during the holidays always helps. It is easy to put things off and hope that the emotions won’t come up if you procrastinate thinking about it or putting it off. But that usually snowballs into something that can be hard to deal with. Try to be purposeful about the holidays and allow yourself some time in your busy holiday schedule to process the feelings and deal with disappointments and false expectations that all too often come with it.

Resources To Help Birth Mothers During The Holidays

If you are a Birth Mother who struggles during the holidays, or you have a Birth Mother in your life that needs some holiday cheer this Christmas season, here are some resources that help support Birth Mothers, especially during the holidays:

bravelove.org has helpful resources for Birth Mothers in need of support online

Abiding Love Charities has a wealth of Birth Mother support for Birth Mothers in needs of emotional support this holiday season. They have a Birth Mother Mentoring program, an online FaceBook Community and their in-person healing program called SEEN. You can get in touch with Abiding Love Charities to talk to a Birth Mother Mentor to find the support that is right or you.

Where ever you are on your adoption plan journey, we are here for you. If you have questions about placing a child for adoption, contact us today for no pressure counseling about your decision.