Questions Expectant Mothers Are Afraid to Ask About Adoption

When you’re considering adoption for your baby, it’s natural to have questions. Lots of them. But some questions feel too vulnerable to ask out loud, too raw, or maybe even too selfish. You might worry about being judged or fear that asking certain things makes you seem like you don’t care enough about your child’s wellbeing.

Here’s the truth: there are no bad questions when it comes to making an adoption plan. Every question you have is valid, important, and deserves an honest answer. At Abiding Love Adoptions, we’ve walked alongside hundreds of Expectant Mothers, and we’ve heard it all. More importantly, we understand that asking the hard questions is actually a sign of how deeply you care about making the right decision for your child and for yourself.

Let’s talk about some of the questions Expectant Mothers often hesitate to ask, but absolutely should.

“Does choosing adoption make me a bad mother?”

This question weighs heavily on so many Expectant Mothers’ hearts, and it’s often the one that’s hardest to voice. The short answer is no—absolutely not. Choosing adoption doesn’t make you a bad mother. In fact, it demonstrates profound love.

Being a good mother means wanting what’s best for your child, even when that choice is hard. It means looking at your current circumstances with clear eyes and making decisions based on your child’s needs, not just your desires. Good mothers come in many forms. Some choose to place their children for adoption. 

The question you’re really asking is: “Will my child think I didn’t love them?” The answer here is also no. Open adoption allows you to share your story with your child as they grow. Your love for them can be present in their life, even if you’re not raising them.

“Can I change my mind?”

Yes, and it’s critical that you know your rights. Every state has different laws regarding consent and revocation periods, but in general, you have the legal right to change your mind up until you sign the final consent documents and/or the revocation period is complete, which typically happens after your baby is born.

At Abiding Love Adoptions, we never want you to feel pressured or rushed. This is your decision, and it should be made with full information and without coercion. If you’re feeling uncertain at any point in the process, please speak up. A reputable adoption professional will support you in exploring those feelings, not push you toward a decision you’re not ready to make.

That said, it’s also important to understand that once legal consent is finalized, the circumstances under which you can revoke that consent are extremely limited. This is why taking time to be certain, asking all your questions, and working through your emotions before signing is so important.

“What if I can’t afford to go through with the pregnancy?”

This is a practical, important question, and you should never feel embarrassed about asking it. Pregnancy comes with significant expenses: medical care, time off work, maternity clothes, prenatal vitamins, and more. If financial stress is part of what’s making you consider adoption, you need to know what support is available.

In many states, Adoptive Families and/or Agencies are legally permitted to assist with pregnancy-related expenses. This can include: 

• Medical expenses not covered by insurance
• Counseling services
• Maternity clothing 
• Living expenses during your pregnancy

These are not payments to you for your baby. They are supports to help you through your pregnancy while you’re making your adoption plan.

Every state has different laws about what expenses can be covered, so it’s essential to discuss this openly with your Adoption Agency. There’s no shame in needing help, and ensuring you’re cared for during pregnancy is in everyone’s best interest, especially your baby’s.

“Will I be able to see my child after adoption?”

This is one of the most important questions you can ask, and the answer is: it depends on what you want and what you and the Adoptive Family agree to. This is where the concept of open adoption becomes central to your planning process.

Open adoption can look different for every family. For some, it means regular visits, phone calls, and an ongoing relationship where you’re known to your child as their Birth Mother. For others, it might mean yearly photo updates and letters. The level of openness is something you and the Adoptive Family will discuss and agree upon together.

It’s important to understand that openness in adoption works best when it’s built on mutual respect, clear communication, and realistic expectations. While many adoptive families embrace open adoption, the specific arrangements should be discussed honestly before placement. At Abiding Love Adoptions, we help facilitate these conversations so everyone is on the same page and encourage Post-Adoption Contact Agreements to enforce promised Post-Placement Contact.

“What if I regret this decision?”

Grief and regret are not the same thing, though they can feel similar. It’s normal—expected, even—to grieve after placing your child for adoption. Grief is a natural response to loss, and even when you’ve made the right decision, it can still hurt deeply.

Regret, on the other hand, is wishing you had made a different choice. While some Birth Mothers do experience regret, many others find that even in their grief, they have peace about their decision. They can hold both truths at once: this was the right choice, and it still hurts.

What helps minimize regret is making a fully informed, pressure-free decision with proper support. This is why counseling before and after placement is so important. Processing your feelings, understanding your motivations, and having realistic expectations about life after placement all contribute to long-term peace with your decision.

“Will my child understand why I made this choice?”

This question reveals the heart of what so many Expectant Mothers fear: that their child will grow up feeling unwanted or abandoned. Open adoption provides the opportunity for your child to know your story, to understand the circumstances of their adoption, and to see your love for them demonstrated in the choice you made.

Children who grow up with age-appropriate information about their adoption, who have contact with their Birth Families, and who are raised by Adoptive Parents who honor their story tend to have healthy understandings of adoption. They learn that adoption is complex, that love can look different than they expected, and that being placed for adoption was an act of love, not rejection.

Your Adoption Agency can help you think through how to maintain a relationship with your child that allows them to know you and understand your heart.

You Deserve Honest Answers

At Abiding Love Adoptions, we believe that informed decisions are empowered decisions. You should never feel afraid to ask questions, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable they might seem. Our role is to provide you with honest answers and to support you through every step of your adoption journey.

If you’re considering adoption and have questions you’ve been afraid to ask, we invite you to reach out. There’s no judgment here, only support, understanding, and a commitment to helping you make the decision that’s right for you and your baby.