Tips for the Expectant Mom Making an Adoption Plan

One of the most anxious parts about going through the adoption planning process is trying to get through all the unknowns when you are selecting a prospective adoptive family. There are so many things to consider. When the prospective adoptive parents are just faceless people with question marks over their heads, anxiety is usually at an all-time high. What should an expectant mom making an adoption plan consider in prospective adoptive parents? While it might seem rational to want to select prospective adoptive parents that an expectant mom might aspire to, the relationship has to be a solid foundation to work off of. So, putting time and effort into finding the right ones has to be the focus. And with that, there are some good considerations to start with.

With the right direction, a fruitful relationship can be had between the biological mother and the adoptive parents. Knowing what to look for in a prospective adoptive family can help mitigate any strain that could hinder building the relationship.

An Expectant Mom Making An Adoption Plan Needs To Be Focused On Her Needs

Choosing an adoptive family for your unborn child is a permanent decision, in most cases, if you decide to go through with it. Because of that, it is essential to be as focused on your decision as possible. With that in mind, it is best to go into the selection process with a set list of expectations for the relationship and how it will function going forward.

This is the expectant mom’s time to think about what she wants in a long-term relationship. A lot of what comes out of this process is knowing if she is looking for an adoption for her child or just someone to take care of the child until her circumstances have changed. That needs to be thought through. Because an open adoption is not co-parenting, you are not making any decisions regarding how the child is raised, and you will not be at every birthday party, baseball game, or family moment. It is reasonable to expect visits, updates, and pictures. How much of that you would like is totally up to you. This is the time to state what you want, so your adoption agency can get busy finding families that agree with your wishes before you even meet them. 

The Expectant Mom Making An Adoption Plan Needs To Approach This Relationship Intentionally

Once the agency has supplied a list of possible candidates from their waiting families, now is the time for the expectant mom to be discerning. No one can understand a couple well enough from a picture and some words on a page meant to attract an expectant mom to their profile. In-person meetings are the best way to judge interpersonal communication and interactions. An expectant mom has to ask herself if she can see herself hanging out with these people. Does their lifestyle jive in some way with hers? Sharing moral and spiritual values is vital for an expectant mom to feel grounded in the relationship. Shared personal interests are also a great place to start.

Think of selecting a prospective adoptive family as like the reality shows that feature couples that barely know each other and are getting married in less than three months. That’s kind of what it is like, except much more serious. That is why being intentional and having a firm set of expectations for the selection process is so important. You shouldn’t be working with an agency or adoption attorney who is not taking them as seriously as you.

Working With An Agency That UnderstandsYour Needs

In the adoption planning process, you must work with an adoption agency that is focused on you. It is one thing to say they do and another to put it into action. Here are some signs they are putting you first:

• They write down or make note of what you say is important to you
• They are asking questions to get to know your needs
• They are going at your pace in the adoption process, not theirs
• When you are unsure, they slow down to help you work through it
• They are upfront about the pros and cons of choosing adoption
• They are honest about things you need to know about
• They have a post-placement care program

Your agency should have things in place to care about the whole you, pre and post-placement. An agency that is focused on you and cares about you through every aspect of making and executing an adoption plan. In addition to listening to your needs, they should have things in place to help you recover from the loss and grief you will experience with making an adoption plan.

Adoption agencies that are focused on expectant mothers holistically tend to attract adoptive parents who are like-minded. If you find an agency that focuses on you, chances are they have prospective adoptive families of the same mindset. Take the time to select the right agency before you get into the business of looking at waiting for adoptive families.

Going through the process of selecting adoptive parents for your child is a lifelong decision. This decision should approached with intentionality.