The idea of making an adoption plan when you are dealing with an unintended pregnancy is more common than one would think. The question of adoption will usually pass through one’s mind, even if it isn’t even verbalized. Fear of the unknown surrounding adoption usually keeps those questions frozen in time, never being able to be explored or considered. Other times, it is something that an expectant mom vacillates between adoption vs. parenting, but never gets any solid information on what that actually entails. Many expectant moms are afraid to get contact an adoption agency for fear they would be unwittingly talked into something they are not sure of yet. All these are valid reasons, yet can negatively impact one’s ability to make an adoption plan until it is pretty late in the game.
The most confident expectant moms making an adoption plan are the ones who are informed early on. They know exactly what they are getting themselves into. They’ve gone over all the pros and cons of adoption vs. parenting beforehand and understand what the process is like in executing on an adoption plan. Making an adoption plan is a very heavy decision. Giving this option careful consideration is the correct way to do it.
Intentional Means Being Properly Informed About Adoption
Chances are, what you know about adoption, unless you know someone who has been through it in the last 10 years, is probably pretty outdated. The days of faceless adoptive parents waiting to whisk your newborn baby from the hospital are long in the rearview mirror. Open adoption is now the choice of the day, with plenty of research supporting why this is in the best interest of everyone involved. The idea of giving your baby away never to see them again is a rarity these days. Even the most minor of open adoptions involve at least pictures and letter updates, plenty of them involve visits and ongoing, regularly scheduled communication. There are a few myths to dispel about adoption vs. parenting if you are going to have full disclosure about what open adoption is and isn’t.
Open Adoption Is Not Like Foster Care: There is a big difference between foster care and foster to adopt and adoption through an adoption agency. First of all, with foster care, there is no input from the mother about where her child will live or who will raise them. With open adoption, the expectant mom/birthmother gets to choose from where the prospective adoptive parents are from and who they are. Expectant moms who choose open adoption go through a process of selecting a family that agrees to have the kind of open adoption she would like to have. With foster care, moms who have state involvement completely lose those rights. With the state there are no choices. With open adoption, the expect mom is the one calling the shots.
Open Adoption Is Not Co-Parenting: One important distinction to make is that even with the most open adoption plans, it is still not co-parenting. With open adoption, you are still legally surrendering your parental rights. While your child and his/her adoptive family will remain in your life, your role in that child’s life will change. Namely, you will not be making any parental decisions. The agreement that you have with the adoptive family at the time of signing about the kind of relationship and communication you will have is the one that you will need to stick to going forward.
You Get To Pick Which Adoption Agency You Want To Work With: You are not being selected by the adoption agency to work with them. You should be interviewing adoption agencies to see which one you want to work with instead. Making an adoption plan will only be successful if you are working with the adoption agency that feels right for you. It’s okay to talk to more than one before you decide who you want to work with. What you can’t do is work with more than one at the same time.
Making An Adoption Plan That You Can Live With
You have to be realistic about what you want in making an adoption plan, just as much as you should be honest about what you need as well. Working with an ethical adoption agency is the best shot you can give yourself and your baby in balancing what you need and what you want to be confident in making an adoption plan. A good adoption agency will be honest with you about what is attainable. A good adoption agency will also do everything they can to match you with a family is not just accepting of your wishes, but is ready to honor them.
If you would like some honest, no pressure guidance about making an adoption plan that works, contact us today for a free, fully confidential discussion. We are licensed in Florida, Georgia and South Carolina . Out of state? We will help you find an ethical adoption agency to work with in your area. Making an adoption plan is not for everyone, but if you decide that it is right for you, we want to help.